Astrology and Sex Toys.

Long distance relationships are awful. I know this because I'm currently living one. When are they the most awful? During Valentine's Day. However, I happen to be madly in love with my long-distance Romeo, so I don't have a choice. For those of you in the same boat, I am happy to pass on a little information on how I cope with this very special day. Ahem.

First, allow me to recognize that every day is hard when you're doing the long-distance thing. I am fully aware of this -- watching other LOCAL couples walk down the street hand-in-hand, kissing, etc., on a daily basis is torture and has caused me to be very bitter. So you can imagine what Valentine's Day is like for me. So where was I? Oh right! Ways to cope. Here we go ...

• Communication is key. I know -- duh -- but I really cannot stress this enough. Especially during Valentine's Day as you may have one set of expectations and your lover may have another. For example, you may think once the day arrives, you'll be showered with packages and flowers and chocolates because that's your desire. The day comes and goes and nothing. You are completely and utterly crushed, crying and bemoaning the fact that your supposed soul mate doesn't love you anymore because he or she gave you squat for Valentine's Day. You two talk and come to discover that your significant other doesn't even think about this day as being anything special. Now there is a problem because you didn't communicate how important this day is to you ahead of time. This is not to say that there needs to be a major discussion about your wants and desires -- this is one day out of the year, after all. I'm simply saying that being on the same page -- and hinting that a little something for the day would be appreciated, with you reciprocating, of course -- would be prudent.

• Put together a care package for your amour. It can be anything -- a scrapbook of places you've gone together and/or naked pictures of you; maybe some sensual massage items for the two of you to use when you are together again; your sweetie's favorite food; sex toys for your phone conversation (see next two hints) -- it's really only limited to your imagination. Engaging yourself in this way is beneficial for you both. You get to concentrate on gathering these items and putting them together, thus keeping your mind off not being together to a certain extent. Your partner sees how much effort you put into it and how much you care, plus is given an idea for the next significant day you're forced to be apart. It's win-win!

• Plan some heavy-duty phone or online time for the evening. Regardless of whether you talk every night or a couple times a week, be sure you both carve out time for that night. If you're too strapped for a lengthy phone convo, but have cheap and unlimited online access, plan to instant message each other or meet in a private chat room somewhere. If you can't be together, at least you can be "talking" and spending time. And if you plan correctly, your love could be opening his/her package as you're talking, which could take a very interesting turn if said package contains some toys or other sexual props. I know it sounds potentially frustrating, but you can take care of that. Which actually segues nicely into the next coping suggestion.

• Masturbation. C'mon, now -- if you're reading this, you already know the long distance sufferers best friend. If this seems pathetic or sad to you, particularly on this "romantic" day, then you're not being creative! This is especially fun if you work it into your conversation with your sweetheart (yes, I'm talkin' 'bout phone sex). Take turns describing to each other what you're doing and/or telling the other person that you're doing things to them which they can then simulate. Eyes closed, touching yourself and hearing your lover's voice can all be very persuasive. It's also very intimate, as you'll see when you try to get started the first time and can't stop giggling. If you really want to make this a full experience, get those toys involved! Tell your male lover that you are going to pleasure him orally and have him use a well-lubed masturbation sleeve as you're explaining each and every thing you're doing. Talk to your female lover about gently sucking her nipples as she uses a nipple toy or how deeply you're penetrating her as she uses a realistic dildo or vibrator. Again, you're really only limited by your own imaginations here.

• Celebrate later. This works especially well if you have a visit planned within a week or so anyway. The upside is that you won't have any problems getting dinner reservations, finding flowers or finding an opening at a Bed & Breakfast. Speaking from long experience, visits are incredibly special as it is, so to set aside one that is particularly your Valentine's Day is something you two will long remember. It may even turn into your annual tradition. Think about how smug you could be watching everyone scramble to get ready for "V-Day" while you basked in the knowledge of your own impending special day.